Thursday, September 27, 2012

Fall Carnival, 1984

The Autumn of 1984....I am met with mixed emotions.

It was a great time in pop culture and I was into all of it, but I was also a 10 year old mess.

There was however, one thing  different. I now lived with my Dad. It was life changing and change did me some good after a lot of painful times after my parents divorce. Things were better, but still not perfect.

Something was about to ease my mind, if only for a little while. It was the fall carnival at my elementary school.

This was my first year in Kansas City at my new school. It was going ok, I guess. Then fall came along and  everything turned damp, crisp and was bursting with color! I found the dismal, rainy days to be my favorite (not much has changed in that regard).

I was into Michael Jackson in '84 and was only natural for me to wear black and red parachute pants to the carnival at school.

I remember being on the playground with my stepmom who was pretty and loving. She had her arm around me, walking on the blacktop where I spent recess time playing hopscotch and double dutch.

We did the cake walk together. Bobbed for apples and visited with some of my school friends.
It was a perfect, cloudy, crisp fall evening.

There were several other games but I mostly remember my time with her on this enchanting night.
I sometimes wonder if I really love fall, or is it because some of the best times in my life happened to be in the fall?

I  miss my stepmom.

After she and my dad divorced, I lost track of her for several years. I saw her now and then but it was  very painful for me because I had missed her so.

When I had my first child, I began soul searching and dug deep into my past. I had to face so many things. I had to learn what not to do. I had to find a way to never let my kids feel the pain that I went through.

I realized that my stepmom treated me like her real child. I know this now from experience of being mom.

After years of searching, I found her a few years back, with the help of my dad. I was able to speak to her on the phone and then write her a letter. I was able to tell her all the things I wanted to say.

How much I loved her. How many good memories she created for me in my childhood and so on.

I have since lost track of her again but that does not change my cherished memories of her.

Especially the one at my school's Fall Carnival, 1984.

8 comments:

  1. Awww...I bet you made her feel so special too with your telling her how you feel. Thank you for sharing that with us.

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    1. Oh I hope so. She is one of the biggest parts of my memory bank, even after all these years.
      Thank you SO much for reading and replying!

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  2. Awe thats so sweet. You know I LOVE Fall and often wonder too if its because I associate it with a wonderful time of my life..

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    1. Girl I know you do love you some FALL!! It is a wonderful season :)

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  3. That is wonderful that you had a very good Step Mom and I'm glad you were able to let her know what an impact she had on your life. As adults I think we forget what a impact we can have on someone by just offering a word of encouragement let alone being there for a child when they need you the most. Thanks for sharing your story.

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting! I do feel so thankful that I was able to tell her everything I wanted to. It really made me feel better and I needed it!

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  4. As a Step-Mother, I can tell you that there is nothing that tops hearing a step-child tell you how much you mean to them. As a parent, you always hope you do a good job with your own children, but as a step-parent you know that even if you do, they may never tell you because of loyalty to the other parent. A few months ago, when I received a Mother's Day card from my oldest step-son and in that card he wrote how much I meant to him and mentioned a few things that were important to him that we had done together, I cried for days and never let anyone else see it. Whether your ex-step-mom could express her feelings to you or not, she now knows she has done one good thing in her life - and that's an exhilarating feeling!

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    1. Yes I certainly have dealt with some guilt. Feeling so deeply for my Stepmom, I'm sure that made my Mom feel really bad.It's not easy that's for sure.
      But it's all good now. It took forever to get there LOL But here now!

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