Thursday, September 27, 2012

Fall Carnival, 1984

When I think back to the Autumn of 1984, I am met with mixed emotions.
It was a great time in pop culture and I was into all of it! But I was also a 10 year old mess.
There was however, one thing  different. I now lived with my Dad. That is what I needed for so many years.  I didn't know why I needed to live with my Dad, I only knew I did.
Things were better, but still uneasy.
But, something was about to ease my mind, if only for a little while.....the fall carnival at my elementary school!
I remember it  vividly. This was my first year in Kansas City at my new school. It was going ok, I guess. Then fall came along and  everything turned damp, crisp and was bursting with color!
I found the dismal, rainy days to be my favorite! Go figure.
I was very much into Michael Jackson in 1984 so it was only natural for me to wear my black and red parachute pants to the fall carnival at school.
I remember being on the playground with my Stepmom. She was so pretty and loving.
She had her arm around me walking on the blacktop where I spent my recess time playing hopscotch and double dutch.
We did the cake walk together. Bobbed for apples and visited with some of my school friends.
It was a cloudy, crisp fall evening. Perfection.
There were several other games but I mostly remember my time with her on this magical night.
I sometimes wonder if I really love the fall, or does it just so happen that some of the  best times in my life, just happened to BE in the fall?
Either way, I'll take it.
I  miss my Stepmother. I could write a book about my memories of her. She held my heart when nobody else could understand me.
After she and my Dad divorced, I lost track of her for several years.
I saw her now and then and it was always very painful for me. I missed her for so long.
When I had my first child, I began soul searching, as most of us do.
I dug deep into my past. I finally had to face so many things. I had to! I had to learn what NOT to do. I had to find a way to never let my kids feel the pain that I went through.
I realized that my Stepmother treated me like I was her real child. I know this now, from direct experience of being a Mother.
After years of searching, with the help of my Dad, I found her a few years back. I was able to speak to her on the phone and then write her a letter.
I was able to tell her ALL the things I wanted to say. How much I loved her. How many good memories she created for me in my childhood.
I have since lost her again. But that will not stop me from cherishing my memories of her.
Especially the one at my school's Fall Carnival, 1984.

8 comments:

  1. Awww...I bet you made her feel so special too with your telling her how you feel. Thank you for sharing that with us.

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    1. Oh I hope so. She is one of the biggest parts of my memory bank, even after all these years.
      Thank you SO much for reading and replying!

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  2. Awe thats so sweet. You know I LOVE Fall and often wonder too if its because I associate it with a wonderful time of my life..

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    1. Girl I know you do love you some FALL!! It is a wonderful season :)

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  3. That is wonderful that you had a very good Step Mom and I'm glad you were able to let her know what an impact she had on your life. As adults I think we forget what a impact we can have on someone by just offering a word of encouragement let alone being there for a child when they need you the most. Thanks for sharing your story.

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    1. Thank you for reading and commenting! I do feel so thankful that I was able to tell her everything I wanted to. It really made me feel better and I needed it!

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  4. As a Step-Mother, I can tell you that there is nothing that tops hearing a step-child tell you how much you mean to them. As a parent, you always hope you do a good job with your own children, but as a step-parent you know that even if you do, they may never tell you because of loyalty to the other parent. A few months ago, when I received a Mother's Day card from my oldest step-son and in that card he wrote how much I meant to him and mentioned a few things that were important to him that we had done together, I cried for days and never let anyone else see it. Whether your ex-step-mom could express her feelings to you or not, she now knows she has done one good thing in her life - and that's an exhilarating feeling!

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    1. Yes I certainly have dealt with some guilt. Feeling so deeply for my Stepmom, I'm sure that made my Mom feel really bad.It's not easy that's for sure.
      But it's all good now. It took forever to get there LOL But here now!

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