Friday, November 9, 2012

Hi, my name is Amy and I'm a horrible Christian

When people say to me, "You are such a good person".....I flinch. I'm like, me? Have we met? It makes me happy in some ways of course because in my mind I feel like, ok at least I'm nice to people. Well usually.

Let me clarify, I do find myself to be very happy and pleasant and above all fiercely loyal to my friends and loved ones.  But when it comes to people I don't see eye to eye with, I can  honestly say that as a Christian, I fail miserably.

Although I am very kind hearted and happy, that is only one part of the complex me. I am also very angry and confused. I am hell bent on seeking justice (not revenge) for people who can't defend themseleves but while I'm doing that I leave a path of unkind words along the way to anyone who does not want to help me in my crusade.

As a Christian that is but one way I am failing. There are 2 other departments that I fall short in:
I do NOT love my enemies.
I DO judge others.

I justify these things in my own mind too when I'm doing it. For example I tell people to quit judging others. Yet I do it all the time and I justify it  by telling myself  that the people I judge actually deserve it! Of course, I am wrong.  I tell people not to judge others and what I really mean is, don't judge gay people. Don't judge poor people. Don't judge ME.  Meanwhile I judge rich people. I judge people who drive expensive cars, wear expensive clothes, live in giant houses.  I am totally wrong in doing so.

Second part where I fall miserably short, I have yet been able to master the art of loving my enemies. I don't even pretend to love them. What's worse is I don't even make an effort to love them.

You may be asking yourself why would I possibly write these words, outing my own shortcomings?
It's for that reason exactly. I need everyone to know that I am failing as a Christian but I want to be better. If I walked around this earth saying I'm a good Christian, I know what I'm doing, I am not wrong.....Well that would be a major disservice to God, my King.

Although I know I will not change my behaviors overnight, I WILL work on them. I will continue my growth as a Christian and be faithful always wanting to learn more. To be better. By learning to selflessly serve humankind, I will be serving God. It will be hard for me to do this!!

I tell myself everyday "As good as you think you are...you ain't"

7 comments:

  1. LOVE!! I Love you just this way. True to yourself and not a phony! I love this blog xoxoxox

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    1. Phew darlin it felt good getting it off my chest!!! Like admitting my own shortcomings, confession time. Thank you for understandning and loving me!

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  2. I feel the earnestness with which you wrote this post, and I hate to disagree with you, but I would say you are the epitome of a Christian - maybe even the poster child for Christianity in the true sense of the word: You have given yourself to the Lord and try to follow the narrow path by working on yourself and raising your children in a God-filled home. You have shortcomings of which you are fully aware - we have all fallen short - AND, you are trying to do better. Since those of us on earth are unable to be perfect, then isn't that exactly what a Christian is? I'm no authority, I'm just a stumbling Christian myself. Good post.

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  3. Thank you Kalamity Kelli I see exactly where you are coming from. Also I do feel my home is Christian based but at the same time it is not being pushed down my kids throats. I seriously want to SHOW them how to be a good Christian. I am not fanatical about talking about it though. I am just a work in progress, trying trying trying LOL- Thanks for commenting!!

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  4. Now if more of us would just acknoledge our short comings, and try to fix them, what a better world this would be! As Christians, the world seems to think that we are to perfect. We're Not! We are only forgiven. We all still have our faults and we sin. Thank God for his everlasting forgiveness!
    Keep up the good work, and your good testimony!

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    1. Thanking you kindly Tammy! Thank you for understanding where I am coming from but mostly thank you for expressing your thoughts with me :)

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  5. A couple of things you wrote hit me square between the eyes. It also reminded me that the only real way to unleash the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives is through heart-felt confession. It's a hard thing to do, and painful. But, it does invite the Lord in a new and exciting way to move in our lives like never before.

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