When people say to me, "You are such a good person".....I flinch. I'm like, me? Have we met? It makes me happy in some ways of course because in my mind I feel like, ok at least I'm nice to people. Well usually.
Let me clarify, I do find myself to be very happy and pleasant and above all fiercely loyal to my friends and loved ones. But when it comes to people I don't see eye to eye with, I can honestly say that as a Christian, I fail miserably.
Although I am very kind hearted and happy, that is only one part of the complex me. I am also very angry and confused. I am hell bent on seeking justice (not revenge) for people who can't defend themseleves but while I'm doing that I leave a path of unkind words along the way to anyone who does not want to help me in my crusade.
As a Christian that is but one way I am failing. There are 2 other departments that I fall short in:
I do NOT love my enemies.
I DO judge others.
I justify these things in my own mind too when I'm doing it. For example I tell people to quit judging others. Yet I do it all the time and I justify it by telling myself that the people I judge actually deserve it! Of course, I am wrong. I tell people not to judge others and what I really mean is, don't judge gay people. Don't judge poor people. Don't judge ME. Meanwhile I judge rich people. I judge people who drive expensive cars, wear expensive clothes, live in giant houses. I am totally wrong in doing so.
Second part where I fall miserably short, I have yet been able to master the art of loving my enemies. I don't even pretend to love them. What's worse is I don't even make an effort to love them.
You may be asking yourself why would I possibly write these words, outing my own shortcomings?
It's for that reason exactly. I need everyone to know that I am failing as a Christian but I want to be better. If I walked around this earth saying I'm a good Christian, I know what I'm doing, I am not wrong.....Well that would be a major disservice to God, my King.
Although I know I will not change my behaviors overnight, I WILL work on them. I will continue my growth as a Christian and be faithful always wanting to learn more. To be better. By learning to selflessly serve humankind, I will be serving God. It will be hard for me to do this!!
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